taking a break from everywhere.
bye
-h.

mood: groggy
music: Fly, Little Blackbird- Borealism

And October is Gone...

We had the warmest Halloween on record this year. Kind of kills what little fun there is to enjoy before the 5th. This year politcally has been the wackiest yet..bluugh. i don't want to loom on those feelings.
Still slowly working on Somnium and likewise developing Roadkill Asylum. With thanksgiving coming up i'll have some recipes to share.
Getting myself on a routine schedule is hard for me and learning that it's just my AuDHD brain fighting with me every inch of the way is exhausting and leads to more burnouts. But i have some goals i really want to achieve and keep up with.
(but apparently stating those goals before they've happened also makes my brain go "Naaw fuck it")
Maybe i should have waited another week before cutting back on my coffee consumption, lol.

mood: none
music: none

You have to live...

Shit sucks, it really does and it feels more bleak than it did 8years ago.

mood: groggy
music: Fly, Little Blackbird- Borealism

And October is Gone...

We had the warmest Halloween on record this year. Kind of kills what little fun there is to enjoy before the 5th. This year politcally has been the wackiest yet..bluugh. i don't want to loom on those feelings.
Still slowly working on Somnium and likewise developing Roadkill Asylum. With thanksgiving coming up i'll have some recipes to share.
Getting myself on a routine schedule is hard for me and learning that it's just my AuDHD brain fighting with me every inch of the way is exhausting and leads to more burnouts. But i have some goals i really want to achieve and keep up with.
(but apparently stating those goals before they've happened also makes my brain go "Naaw fuck it")
Maybe i should have waited another week before cutting back on my coffee consumption, lol.

mood: crafty
music: Pressing Flowers-The Civil Wars

Chill in the morning air

Over the weekened i deep cleaned my bedroom and dusted off all my knickknacks before pulling out my autumnal/halloween decorations.
Seeing pumpkin/halloween displays being set up in my local grocery store the middle of July doesn't kill my seasonal spirit, but i don't like it being pushed out so early only to be GONE when true autumn and Halloween are here (craft stores excluded).
though, this year i am in a bit of a crafty mood. i've been slowly getting my craft supplies back that had been in storage for almost a decade and i miss making things.
makes me miss this big craft fair/village i'd go to during this time and just being inspired by all the handmade crafts and goods. smell of hot cider, turkey legs and kettle corn. Last time i went, the push of the mass produced re-sellers was creeping in, i can only imagine POSTCOVID what it's like now.
i'm happy to enjoy my apples and pumpkins for the time before winter rears it's cold and unfriendly face. Shame there wasn't any mushrooms in the yard, especially after the storms we had, but it was very dry in august. hmmmm.

mood: nostalgic
music: BBQ Riot Song-ELLEGARDEN

Summer Depression Comes Every Year...

So...July was one hell of a month.
nothing like an attempted political assasination in your backyard y'know?
celebrated my 10yr anniversary with my partner~ thought i was in the right mental state to continue Somnium, but ended up just shutting down again or focusing on the news.
went back and revisted my old sona from my highschool years, the original Wolfy and renamed them Mutt. Distracted myself over the weeks designing their homepage and attempting to recreate a MySpace like profile.
i just want to revist the nostalgia i had in my teenyears...when the internet didn't feel so small and we weren't all doomscrolling 24/7.
August's have always been a trigger for my SAD, the left over anxiety+trauma of getting ready to go back to school. it's been 17yrs and that shit still has me waking up in a cold sweat hearing a school bus engine at 6:45am.
i love having a broken ass brain aaaahahaaaa.

mood: exhausted
music: Climax-Djo

The universe decided to hand me plenty of distractions.

The 17th we had one hell of a storm blow through, serious enough to hunker down in the basement. Tree landed on the house, but thankfully with minimal damage. That tree took out a big branch that hung over the house, that i got to witness in front of my bedroom window before rushing to the basement (That was an adrenaline rush for 24 hours).
Power was out for two days (we don't have the luxury of running water when that happens). Several back and forth trips from home to me mum's place, with a spare fridge and freezer. All while a record breaking early heatwave is also going on.
Tree people came the day after to take the tree off the house and clean up the branches, but we had no idea when they were coming back to take care of another tree that needed to come down
Things sort of settled down and then we got a really good offer on a new fridge. Boyfriend and I went and picked it up with help from me mum. Tree people finally came on the 24th.
On the 25th Boyfriend and i decided that would be a good day we'll replace the fridge. We figured it should take us no longer than 2 hours right? Riiiiight???

It took us over NINE hours.
Between having to search all over the house for the right tools, we had to remove the doors from both fridges to fit through the doorways. It was just...miserable. and it didn't need to take as long as it did, but it did.
So that meant...WE HAD TO GO BACK TO ME MUM's to use the spare fridge and freezer again.
On the 26th we head out to pick up our stuff and another serious storm blew through while we were driving. Boyfriend and i ate our dinner we picked up earlier, waiting for the storm to blow over at me mum's place (she was at work). I'm not gonna complain cause that means i get to see her critters~
9 years ago we had 3 trees come down in our yard. 6 years ago (this was in the winter tho) we had several LARGE branches crash down during an ice storm. 3 years ago our neighbors across the street had several come down, blocking the road. And we still have so many trees in our yard still that need to come down, but you know....$$$$$. Seems to only really be happening in yearly intervals of 3...wonder what 2027 is gonna give us.
June is the rainy/storm season where i'm at, but it's only gotten worse over the years. Hell we had a thunderstorm in February...A Tornado warning in April.
Thank goodness i use my metal straws.

i got my distractions and now i'm ready to try and work on Somnium some more.

mood: distracted
music: Candy Spaceship-Snail's House

bluuugh

Chapter one is almost halfway over, but i feel kind of stuck. i don't know if it's selfdoubt/sabotage that i keep getting myself distracted. i haven't written or sketched anything.
everything going on with instagram/meta is tiring and everyone claiming that "CARA" is the next best thing feels like the next hypetrain that i don't feel like boarding.
i barely use twitter and bluesky just feels a little stagnant.
i feel like i've failed for not trying harder a decade ago to build an established audience or something. being a microscopic artist in the social media rat race fucks with your brain a little bit.

i just want to put something out into the world and if anybody sees it, great. atleast it's out there i suppose.

oof...feels like the summer depression's hitting a few months early.

mood: nostalgic
music: Dead Oaks-Now,Now

Slow n Steady

i can't believe April is almost over. Taurus season is here!! Everything is going so fast...maybe it's the ice coffee i just finished.
i've been messing around with my laptop trying to clear stuff to run smoothly to try and stream, but at the end of the day it is a 9year old laptop.

outside of working on my comic, i really feel like this year is another art block heavy year.

mood: focused
music: Capricorn-Vampire Weekend

Almost..

Finally getting my energy back and got a lot of work done. mostly making profile layouts for the different projects pages.
feeling a little bad because i haven't been drawing or scripting stuff for Somnium Saturnia.
it's because i'm a stubborn perfectionist who has to finish what i've started and can't leave things looking..."unfinished".
don't be like me. don't be silly.

i still need to go through my various bookmarks to make a resource page for my various graphics n whatnot.

mood: tired
music: Saturn-SZA

on the mend....

being sick for over a week and being too tired to sit at my computer made me feel like a slug